of cos its only natural for me to blog wads been goin on in my life. i think it is a little stupid n bimbotic to juz blog my daily happenings all the time. wads e point of a blog to juz do this when u can use ur mouth? but to type something out without speech i feel is more to let ppl know wad u feel inside which u cant say out. so u can b as direct as u wan, as blunt as u can get n ppl cant do anything abt it. for it is my blog n my diary. haix...

i duno wads up with me lately. its hard nt to juz sigh n pass e day. more like i lost something. i duno wad.. mayb i know bt i refuse to acknowledge it. its juz tat life is in such a frantic state rite now i cant do anything rite. i juz keep makin mistakes n doin things all over again. could it b tat life is made up of history repeatin? or is it juz human nature? or is it juz me??? u can say i m feelin like germ... like duno wads e emptiness in my life. is it juz e despo feelin or r humans juz supposed to b lonely? i duno.... i look arnd n i c many happy ppl arnd but sadly i cant b one of them. although i m priviledged to have eyes to c n ears to hear, food every day but i also have a price to pay. i have to c the horrors in life, hear saddening news of the world, also i have to slave myself to this societies system becos i m priviledged. i wun give them up to take away these probs. but i juz wanna say tat life is juz fair with everyone. but i wonder wad r happy ppl loosin in their worlds where i cant find or tat i have n they dont...

i hate this feelin of envy n competition. i duno... its kinda like eatin me up. i juz m so kiasu n cant loose out.. but i find it tough to keep up with life le... i juz wanna give up. n surrender to wadeva is in the unknown. haix.. i lost my fightin spirit. life has more sadness than happiness. of cos ppl will come n tell me its nt true. bt u must c... they have found their source of happiness to let them say tat. or they r juz denyin themselves. call me impatient to wait, a nature of tauruses but then... its nt i dun wanna wait. if i m meant to b happy wun i b happy most of my life? but i only c the sadness... i haven found my source of happniess yet. the empty lonely feelin. life is a cycle where everyting is so organised n systematic. go sch go home go sch go home. i m kinda sick of it le... y is e society created only to revolve round these two??? nth stands out to me anymore.

honestly when i have alot of probs i think.. who shld i go to??? i duno. no one ba. so mayb one reason i feel sad is cos all these bottled up feelings inside me. or mayb i juz lying to myself n drownin in self pity. cos i dun wanna b happy so i end up like tat. i duno. i could b feelin nth rite now. mayb i m numb to this feeling. but if i m numb how can i know i m down??? i m crappin le... haix... i'll juz stop my thoughts here.