★ Wednesday, October 29, 2008
10:45 pmwas too tired... so slept thru lunch at work~~ guess wad i had for lunch?? x=
yes~ inside the uber lovely box *sadd i couldnt keep it, cos it got dirty* is an uber lovely choc fudge cake.. *itink* the caramel killed me. LOL! took me 1 hr +++++ to finish it over work! > <~ ermm i think it was from Canele~ forgot how to spell it. the french passe*(*#$(#*$ something! > <~
anyways today is super tiring day. going to sleep right after my dinner i dun care. =x lol i need it really. cos lately got things happening again. when u think the world would go right for you, something fucks up. = = ya~ i feel like shouting "FUCK YOU!" to the culprit who spoiled my effing mood. but nvm... its not worth it. a million _|_ wont even be enuff! karma~ i believe in karma~~ i must have been a bad person that's y i m getting all these shit = =~ *sighs* wonder when it'll overflow... cant wait for the talk with BFF~ i need it! its like.. piling already~ n i m dying~ really. n its my EXAMS! oh FUCK EXAMS~ i m pissed.. no... more like i am tired. lol exhausted again~ try working full time n juggle horrible modules~ yups~ add straining projects. and best... when u get home... u get fucked shit to. i cannot curse at the wrong person. i have to curse at the person who started it~~~
when i started this job i already knew *yes i m repeating myself.. but this is self-assurance* that it'll be like this. BUT ITS EFFING IRRITATING ME! HELLO~!!! I DONT EFFING PRINT YOUR FREAKING GOD DAMNED MONEY! _|_ HOW AM I EFFING GOING TO PAY FOR MY EFFING SCHOOL FEES IN END DEC/JAN09!?!??! HUH!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! OR IF I EFFING SCREW UP MY EFFING EXAMS~~~ THE RE-TAKE FEES!??!?!?!?! FUCK YOU! ASKING ME TO EFFING PAY IS ONE EFFING THING~ but hey noooo~~~ u gotta effing make the situation WORSE~!!! BY DOING THIS EFFING CRAP SHIT COS NO ONE EFFING GIVES AN EFFING DAMN ABOUT YOU! well, guess what~ u just EFFING SUCCESSFULLY MANAGED TO EFFING MAKE PEOPLE NOTICE YOU EFFING LESS!~ WOW! GOOD JOB! FUCK U REALLY! MAY U SERIOUSLY ROT IN HELL~ wait.. hell's too GOOD FOR U! STAY ON EARTH AND SUFFER YOUR UTTER LONLINESS! OR MAYBE IF YOU GET LUCKY, YOU GET STUCK IN LIMBO! u dont deserve no respect.... try harder.. thanks for making my youth go down the drain everytime i try to pick myself up. good job~ u deserve a pat on ur back... may you be "blessed" for your deeds.
seriously.. both me n my e.sis are already tired. she is more so... since she's been juggling everything on her own too. even now as we share the burden... no matter what steps we take.. it gets even harder somehow. and at times like this.. i really wanna pity myself... drown myself in my own sorrows... its so hard to pick myself up again. but then again... i know i have to grow up. even if i wanna stay as a kid forever... w/o responsibilities.. i cannot run. this is my punishment.. or maybe my blessings.. *wistful smile*
i guess~~~ 16 yrs of good life~ XD time for some hardships~ *wistful smiles agains* how ironic... love.. what love? love doesnt exist in my life at all.. even if i wan it to~ crude.. pain~ ya... terrors... come what may.. i am not going to be afraid as i had been that few yrs ago. this time i'd be ready with a knife... protect myself... i m no longer that defenceless little girl who sits and watches and cries at the background, watching the slaughter go on. no more. this time, its time for me to fight back if i can~ n i will try~
this is not a punishment.. i will live thru this test. because i have faith that i can~ just another 7 more years =))) i can make it! if i get lucky i may die before the 7 yrs~ if not~~ i'd have to make it! determination!!! i need to survive!!! human nature. no more running away~~~ must appreciate all those that i still have.. =)
yes.. i feel better now.
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★ キキ様でした ☆
