★ Sunday, January 27, 2008
pain
5:40 pmi dont know what to type here anymore... lately feel like i've aged yet again. but the words tat keep going in my mind tells me... "you're better off than most people... dont fret that u are living something pathetic." and tat's wat i wanna believe. and will keep believing. but sometimes... when i see people take me for granted be it that they're like tt by nature... i feel so saddened and juz wanna break down. yet... i'd still repeat the line to myself. it helps =))) i'm still alive after all..
u wont be tested to what's more than you can handle.... and its my spirit-moving line. keeps me in check. then again... i find it so hard to smile like i did yesterday. so hard to live as though its always the same.
i wanna run away.... but i know i cant. i wanna run away like everyone else... but i cant. cos i've got no one to share this burden with. even if i do... i dun wan the person to be tired down like me. everytime someone runs... its juz more problems for people arond you. and that's how it is... so i'm going to keep telling myself to go forward... no matter how tired already i am... there will only be a limit to how much that i can do... and when it exhausts itself... =))) i'm going to be equallly helpless too...
i'd juz keep waiting... for the bottle to be filled up to the brim and then... let me burst and explode and be jubilant, eyes red with anger, cowering in fear. that's how it is.... =))
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