★ Sunday, June 01, 2008
sometimes i forget...
9:45 pmtoday was a pretty long day for me =) went to ummi's bro's engagement thing. was cool!!! though lol only me n ger who werent family were there, > < . ya =) the food was YUM YUM! but didnt really eat alot =x lol then ermm, the way the muslims do their engagement, was... WOAH jaw dropping. really nice! ^^ all the handmade stuffs... tsk tsk. really good lOL~
ummi looked so tired and stressed out... > < poor girl. hope everything went on smoothly and she can finally have a nice sleep tonight =)
so yes, went out for a while after that with kei to look at some guits n etc. arcade!! realise i hadnt played it in like FOREVER! but ya, it was still the same > < lol =)))
i missed sushi dinner with my family today. =( yes not a very comforting thought.. but i had my mcwings. haha. oh wells =) there's always next time.
so today's conversation touched on dreams and the future. so many things are just still so unreachable... i'd work on them. i realise to fulfill a dream, one has to turn into a monster without a heart, give up somethings precious just to achieve it. yesh... its hard to have someone leaning on your hack when u wanna move ahead really quickly. lol so caught in the middle.
question: What makes you happy?
ans: i felt really relaxed and calm when i was walking from dhoby to city hall one night after a long day with uni friends, and they went on their own ways n me on mine. take away mcwings meal in hand, music in my ears, alone i strolled, on the SMU side, all the way, quiet peaceful empty lanes... i felt sadd, happy, lonely, miserable, calm, relaxed, enjoyment. all at the same time. =)
*****: "of cos to you that's when you're feeling the most free, always being surrounded by people."
actually, that's not true =)) hahaha~ i've kinda mild down already ^^ so ya... but then, sometimes i juz like to be alone by myself. not always. juz sometimes~ but whether that makes the happiest or not... i duno =) there's probably something else out there which i haven discovered yet ^^
i juz realise, there's so many things for me to do! so many things i have to do. i wonder if i'd be able to juggle them all, or will i be stuck like halfway? and fall~~ would anyone catch me then? LOL!
on way out n on way back, i was looking up. I realise i forgot how the clouds look like. haha i wonder was it because i had been too busy with my own stupid life or was i just too caught up with my foolish thoughts and for that short period of time, totally forgot what really mattered. and as i stared at the sky, when it was bright and sun was shining, then when it was dark and only a moon was shining. i wanted to see how fluffy the clouds were, i tried to remember how the clouds forms were like, how they shaped, how they coloured. i wondered if i'd ever be able to put them back into a picture... my own picture.
and once again i found my head filled with many words, words that are right now so jumbled. haha i wonder if i have lost my way once again. =) if i did.. i think it'll be fun this time round, trying to find my way out on my own alone. its not going to be so hard. the first step comes from within. self determination. when u process in life, you really come to realise that there is no one out there you can trust, nor wants to let you trust. and the best person is yourself and u are all u have. so move in your own means and reasons. live for yourself. embrace whatever happiness u have now. they wont run away from you, just hold them really tight at your heart.. appreciate it all now. dont make any mistakes. unless you want to end up regreting like me? =)
hahaha how foolish.
Ellegarden - Space Sonic
Insane
I feel ashamed when the morning comes
And I hate to breathe
Guilty
No doubt I am
Please tell me how to come clean again
Spaceship
Go fuck the stars
When the night falls down they shine on me
Have you ever felt this way
Like you are the worst mankind on the planet earth
Don't even ask why I'm standing here
I found a piece of me
It is still left in you
It's very cheap but cute emotion
I wish you were here
'Cause I found the way to live with that
I'm not going anywhere
I thought you'd only make me weak
That's wrong
I knew it all and you knew it all
that it's never gonna work
To wait for someone who could stop this rain
It just rains
Watching
The same old dream
A mailing car runs over me
Have you ever felt this way
Like you are the most useless on the planet earth
Don't even ask why I'm standing here
I found the shiners of my own
A fantasy Good memories
It's very cheap but cute emotion
I with you were here
'Cause I found the way to live with that
I'm not going anywhere
I thought you'd only make me weak
That's wrong
I knew it all and you knew it all
that it's never gonna work
To wait for someone who could stop this rain
It just rains
It just rains
Maybe there's no one who is perfect
But who wants to be anyway
Maybe there's no one who is all clean
But who wants to be anyway
'Cause I found the way to live with that
I'm not going anywhere
I thought you'd only make me weak
That's wrong
I knew it all and you knew it all
that it's never gonna work
To wait for someone who could stop this rain
It just rains
Yes.. no one's perfect.. but who wants to be... anyway? =)
Songs that were with me tonight to keep me company:
Vistlip - The Surface
ドレミ団 - 傘月～New Ver.
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