★ Tuesday, May 27, 2008
2:09 pmthe words are stuck again. ha.
life's so cruel... but i'm going to be mroe cruel than what it has been to me. =) my motto. i realise that lately i keep pushing myself forward, being ignorant. Even though my legs are tired, feet are sore... but its hard to move when your leg's been hurt. yet.. i keep going, just waiting for the time to come when i wont be able to do anything anymore and i realise i'd stopped. but when that time comes.. that'll be the end of me. haha! i just pray that as i m moving, my leg would heal along the way.
i offer no words of comfort.. just words of optimism which i give myself. dont drown in self pity. u're just going to kill urself in this malicious world. you can only go forward. and my shadow's just pushing me ahead, as i pant.. wanting to take a break, a sip of water? nahx... life's cruel... and you gotta be even more cruel and hard to survive. ^^
right now... i just pump myself with things to do.. at work, at home. lay out dreams that i wanna accomplish. do things that i like... aim forward. no time to look back.
i miss that old me where i'd be totally cold inside out. where nothing's important, where i'm just going to quietly observe. loL! mascow's hierachy of needs. am i already climbing up? i like to stay down though... lesser superficial worries, worries of the soul that arent important.
the scars are fading... but i want them there. i want them to remind me for who i am... they belong to my past, holding me fast to my ground. keeps me sane, keeps me alive. that's what i believe. what i want to believe. i dont want to live in a place where everything's an illusion. dreams are achievable, illusions are merely images conjured by your mind in desperate need.
i must remind myself to be hard once again. i know.. been doing it alot lately, but i have to do this all the more now when i feel weak. keeps me upright. gotta stand up proudly and move on.
i feel like i am like takishima kei (SA). doing everything alone, unfeeling. but the only difference is that i dont have a hikari here to tell me its more fun doing it with others. =) its more fun to have good memories and smile everyday.
its something i've gotten used to already... no more time for set backs.
Letterarms around my skinny knees
lights engulfed the busy streets
images flittered across dancing trees
like lies painted on darkened leeaves
white washed the heightened nights
mice creeped along by my side
film of role playing on that screen
it is like a the world of the bees
hood covering reddened eyes,
clothes on fire was the sight
evening sails across twilight maze
darkness reigns as the light slowly.. dies away
eye for an eye, life for a life
word of truth, yet we're all so blind
dreams are dreams, what you want to see
live life back to reality
countless dimes, fell to the floor
like old beggars asking for more
world is such.. a cold dark place
this is where.. i love to stay
standing up and swaying away
like a zombie who's life is all but dead
reaching out that boney hand
not a thing.. can it grasp
life's a cirle... round and round
wont you like to stop its sound?
stars can shine, but snow cant fly
there isnt a thing i can do... as i watch it pass by.
ps. its finally out.. been so long =) now i can finally work in peace
今も生きるの意味を探す…
★ キキ様でした ☆
