★ Thursday, June 26, 2008
10:08 pmnot in e very best of spirits right now... having a very bad headache right now~ i think m too tired mentally, physically =) draining myself away~ kinda reminded me of my old blogskin that featured Tora... those were the days~~ "Set me free from this misery... Drain the pain from my body."
fond memories those days were. =) but my sister had a point about one thing.
anyways, gonna cut my thoughts short.. lately these few days have been dropped with many hints to get attached and all from my colleague and boss. loL~ at least the topic of being attached and marriage came in a few too many times. i juz gave a weak smile and shook my head inwardly.
seriously... what's the rush with these kinda things... if it comes it comes, if it doesnt, i dont wanna purposely put myself on the hook as though i am for sale~ LOL! i may have been like that once i admit.. okay nt once.. but i was like tat~ > < all flirty n like a total bitch (not very unimaginable). but i have tat side of me either hidden or destroyed already =)
and i think about it... why do they emphasize so much on this "love" bit? y??? for goodness sakes i'm only 20!!! life's short~ but i sure as hell dont wanna be tied down. = = its not so simple. yea, u see happy couples and all you feel envious, u dun have that someone to turn to when u're in need and all the blahs, but really... is that a the correct reason to say that you're n "love"? yes all e "love" words will be with the " and " cos to me the meaning of e word is still unknown. anyways~ as i was saying, for the sake of companionship till we grow old? such a stupid excuse. lol afraid of loneliness? such a weak thought. we're all born lonely anyways so i'm okay with that. the more u rush urself into finding someone or getting into something like this, without thinking of the consequences, eg, responsibilities, its no longer just what u think anymore, is wad you bth think... then there's always this, u must watch for each other thing. from a happy feeling, it turns out to be a draining emotion. unless u're really sure u wan it then go for it. even then, its hard =)
i think its pretty wasted to get into a r/s cos u think its something new and "think" that u can actually COPE with it~ loL~ childishness is in all of us. and u wont get the hint i m giving anyways till u go thru it and regret. that's how we all learn. thru regrets and remorse and the many "ifs".
so far, i hear many stories from couples, married and just attached alike. =) it never sounds like a happy - ending, or a fairytale to me. sure, there are ups and downs, but the downs.... loL~ its either u go thru it or u just break apart =) simple as that. what for~?? ^^ pain upon more pain~~~ tears upon more tears...
yesh.. i know.. i am
DOOMED blessed to be single for the rest of my life? loL~ maybe~ bt as i say, dun wanna rush. my heart's not that ready to be given away just yet~ =) *besides to ruki n hachi and the long list of cos* lOL! so ya... and usually the people with the problems are those who are afraid to be alone. i admit, some people just cannot stand being alone and w/o someone to support them ~ LOL~ to me i find it irritating if someone leans on me like that! esp when there is nth between us! Grrr draining =) lOL~
so let me continue once again~ i realise its all the peer pressure. if u're afraid to be alone... get friends who are like u... bound to be single for the rest of their lives. then u wont be lonely anymore and ur life can still be equally carefree =) of cos it has it setbacks. these single people i should think DUN LIKE KIDS~ like me =) LOL! and another thing is... they and i are probably very similar... =) as in the life experiences thing ^^ i suspect family life plays an impt role. u got a GOOD family, u tend to wanna MAKE A GOOD family on ur own. and when u have a shity one~ ya, everything turns out ugly.
the next problem would be how the hell do i find people LIKE ME!?? n i dun mean like childish people who come n go as they please mind u~ i m talking about... okay, be more matured for a while and think. if u're gonna be single, u'd need REALLY REALLY REALLY good good good buddies that can take ANYTHING, be it shit and the crap e like with you all the way till u all age together happily~ that's the ideal. =) haha~ life's constantly changing, bt somethings dont need to change, y? cos they change with you. u readapt to all the changes so that u get to keep 99% of the things around u. ^^ it's tat simple. the problem is only at, are u willing to wait? are you willing to move together or u rather be a solo-ist show-off and scramble ahead and laugh ur head off at those falling behind?
ya once the topic of "love" is touched, i have a lot of things to say though i promised this to be a short one! guess i broke my promise =( loL~
"love" its so common a word now that it means nothing~ =) loL~ i aim to find the perfect "love" =) in the sense that.. it'll be one tat suits me best! meaning..... when i get it, i want it to be one i have totally no regrets nor doubts about. yes it'll be hard since i am a girl. but yes, when it comes and if it comes i want it to be like tat. i so envy couples tat grow old together happily, have breakfast at mac at 7am together, then go for walks and chat together as though they were still 20 yrs old, holding hands, smiling. at that particular moment in time.. the world is theirs and belongs to them only. i wanna experience something like that =) to feel tat kinda warmth so many pop songs seem to mention, but i assume they're just lies anyways~ =x
even the newer vk bands~ no no not vk! they're now called Oshare-kei! omg la~ yes, like daizystripper, their music n all is nice. bt the lyrics is still about "love". maybe sadd "love" song~ but... - - stilL~ what happened to the old rockers??? songs like [ANTI-POP], [Linda~PinkyCandyDrive], [666], [deadschoolscreaming]... ya i am naming the majored bands songs lOL! but these were they're old songs anyways =) y is it now all~ so.... i duno.. mushy??? > < yes i love the mushy songs dont ask me why! its juz so sadly touching.. haix =) but then~ i wonder where did tat old-school rock go??? oshare-kei.. taking over visual-kei? loL~
so yes~ i am about to end my post now~~~ head really spinning. lol wonder why~~ gonna work on something now~~ *sighs* i need a punching bag.
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