★ Sunday, January 14, 2007
saddened
6:09 pm
YEa.. =) i yest was a happy day... today's double happy day ^^ i got good nEws!!!! =) im not learning guit... ^^ y??? cos cant really afford it all myself. cannot do tis for my own selfish reasons.. yesh =) must think abt people around me who r suffering.
my mom said... must appreciate wad u have now... dun need do things tt r out of ur league, n must b pragmatic... interests r nothing. everyone has them. but if its not within ur means... dun need to do it. yep. they duno abt my dream... heehee. she said i m doin tis things rashly...as i always have... ya mayb =)
i know ... i sound happy right? to tell u e truth.. i m dishevelled. to have a dream shatter. wad can hurt more? i know they will nv support wad i m doin. one solution is. work after gettin my results... go on an independent road. my dreams will b fulfilled. but if i do tt. means i'd get disowned by my family. yup. cannot b selfish. i'm hoping to finish uni b4 even fulfilling my own dream is cos... tis is wad my parents expect of me. n so i'd do it.. for e last time. n tts all. i appreciate wad i have. but i m ambitious n i wan more to b happy. i guess tts wrong? cos i m not simple minded n not easy to pls. i m rash cos i've got all my thoughts bottled up tight so when something happens it flows out *more like burst out* so i seem rash. give me moments to think thru n i'd b fine.
i always say... with a happy day, the next day will b sadd. n i still stick by it. ppl canot b happy forever. we r born to suffer. yet we suffer to survive.
kain... its not dead. its still alive in me =) will always b. i'd make my own dream come thru. w/o any help cos i guess only then i wun b deemed as selfish??? if there's a will, there's a way. e toughest part is when u know no one close to u supports wad u r doin. it'll b e hardest. yet it'll b e one tt determines my desire.
ya...my dad can pay for e thing i wan. but he doesnt wanna. n e farniest part is i dun hate him, dun blame him. cos... tis is my own destiny =) hmmm but e way my sis was telling me... stop comparing urself with others. they dun have ur father... nor ur family bg. they all have well off parents to help them. u dont. so u gotta c if e things u wan r really within ur scope of limits. when i heard tt. it hurts alot. cos i guess i still envy all the ppl around me with the warmth of love n family tt i dun. yes... i m very jealous of u guys. =) n she added. ur frends can stay home n rot with their parents providin for them dun need to work n still got tonnes to spend. LOL ya i know n agree on tt. while me here tries to save as much as i can... n it cant even b used for my guit. but for my future education =x ya.. how abt tt? LOL cant buy clothes, cant buy new shoes, bags, haix.... =) well ok i do buy. but minimal???? ^^
guess i've aged again.. LOL needed to let tt out of me. haix.. feel better now. kei-chan... its not over u noe ^^ even if it'll take me till 30, n all i can do is perform in livehouses. i'd still do it. cos i know tts wad i wan =) ^^ passion runs in e blood. it doesnt run in e mind.
lastly... to share ^^ hahaha e thing tt cheered me greatly... a new song i got from LMC - Oh my Juliet =) its a lovely song x= sort of la. ^^ my sis translated e chorus for me while listenin to it.. it goes something like.... hey god, how do you know wad to do to make my wish come true, hey god, can u answer me wad to do to make my wish come true. =) duno y... but i felt comforted lOL ^^ e music was great of cos..
tts abt it for today. tml's work again. ^^ bb...
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