私今の気持は本当に... nvm

=) i duno nia.. sometimes... somethings shld nv b blogged down.. cos u'll nv know who's readin n all =) haha hard nia.. life's nv easy u noe.. we all got our own probs... n other things always pile up on u.. when ppl depend on u... u'll always say... u'll nv b a burden.. or tats hw u wan it to b.. tats how i wan it to b.. =) if everything was said out mayb tts how it'll b.. but if someone holds back half way... it can become emotional stress.. haha been there done tat =) haha sometimes u shldnt worri abt wad ppl'll think of wad u have to say... as long as u know e person's there to listen... juz say it.. even if u duno how to express urself.. u'll do e person much better by saying it in bits n pieces than not saying it at all... this'll kill e person u noe.. lOLX tryin to draw u out.. worri abt u... worri abt wad u r doin wad u r thinkin... e hardest is when e person feels helpless cos duno wad to do is best... n not doin anything mayb best for u.. but to ur frend.. its e worst feelng.. e self disappointment of not being able to help u... or do their best for u.. its e worst a person can go..


mayb.. i'm also like tat.. haha alot of things i dun wanna say.. cos i guess i'm too ashamed of myself in alot of ways. =) too ashamed to even mention it to myself.. so i juz hide from it.. run away... psycho myself that somethings nv happened.. haha i have my own probs too.. sometimes mayb it doesnt seem like it.. cos i can b totally whacky.. totally crazy.. ya cos i placed all of those behind me already.. i dun let those bother my happiness at tat point of time. =) but i admit i get emotionally tortured at times too. =) for i m only human.. haha mayb u can c its all an act at times.. but sometimes i do things really unknowingly... i m NATURALLY blurr.. so pardon me... hmm forgive me for my bluntness and incompetence n not being a good frend to some of u at times... it may seem like i m not trying hard enuff... but sometimes i guess i'm juz being cautious due to feaR? alot of fear.. i live alot in my "fairytale" mayb self made nightmare.. but i learnt one thing... u r everything u say others r. =) haha yup.. eg. u say ppl r noisy... u have been noisy to someone b4.. u say e person's a sucker... u've been one b4.. haha so i guess i learnt to keep alot of those thts to myself.. since i noe.. the person dun do it purposely.. n i'm sure he/she has forgiven or overlooked my such weakness.. so i'll juz overlook theirs as well. i always try to hide e baddie points to myself.. haha not good lettng ppl noe the -ves abt others rite? but this can inturn cause bad actions to others n u'll feel more ermmm biased against them.. not good either.. so ya. haha


fear... e hurt ba. haha.. i guess u'll say u're used to disappointment.. but hey... it hurts more to feel disappointment? n ermm ya sometimes e hurt is cos ppl r disappointed in u.. but guess as humans we dun c it =) selfish cos we dun think abt e other person's view... always in our own world.. but we bluff ourselves tat we r doin everything for others... haha ironic? ya.. but its natural.. its always like tat de.. haha u face e disappointment everywhere.. and for e frend... they'll feel like failures.. e hurt which hits them r millions of times worst than wad u can feel... understand... e key to everything.. hard to do.. but spill it all out.. then u'll understand.. then u can carry on.


i guess we all dun wanna b shallow ppl =) no one'll admit to being shallow.. its a horrible term to be used as.. haha seriously. =) sis called me shallow.. struck me deep.. n i hate it. but nvm.. mayb i m.. cant say tat i nv was.. =) everyone has been shallow b4.. n will b shallow too in future.. =) back to being human haha. u cant control from NOT being shallow sometimes.. cos our superficial side'll take over.. nothing we can do abt it.. e way to being happy is to b NOT complicated.. think simple.. live an easy life.. it'll b much better.. with less stress less sadness and more happiness.. we all wanan b happy. but if u keep thinking tat i must think like tat to b better.. then i guess u'll nv b happy.. cos ur life'll b too deep in shadows. sometimes... being simple doesnt mean being shallow.. u can still b mmatured with a open mind n c things in many views.. juz tat when u dun have to.. u dun think abt it. tats how u become happier.. alot of times ppl r sad n down cos they dun let themselves b happy... they feel tat they shld burden themselves with the whole world on their shoulders. haha =) ya i noe.. i m talkin abt myself too = = lOL! but learnin to let go is impt.


mistakes.. many ppl will make... forgive and forget.. dun pile them all up. it'll b hard... but hey.. u've gotta try rite?? dun juz use its like tat de.. as an excuse. dun let all these b ur road blocks in life.. change them to stepping stones... it'll b easier... i nv say easy.. juz easier.. cos u'll learn to c alot of things in happier notes. and u can juz b urself?


sometimes we say alot of things tat hurt others without knowing.. very harsh.. but wad to do?? lOL! we juz gotta accept it.. but if its misunderstanding.. then it'll b sad... esp if e person's so strong headed n unwilling to c tings in diff angles... thinking only in their point of view.. my sis recently faced such a prob.. sadd hope she patches up soon ^^ we cant expect ppl to understand us in n out. no matter wad some parts of us ppl'll nv understand. if u expect someone to understand u... there will definitely b disappointment.. cos they cant reach all of ur expectations. e disappointment will cut u deep. but hey.. we've got no right to expect something from others for us. for being our friend is something we shld not take for granted n expect something else aLready.. instead we shld juz b grateful for wad we have ya. e person'll b so poor thing la.. haha cos duno do wad wrong then get someone mad at him/her. =) n most impt.. if u wan ppl to _stand u.. juz speak it out. e guessing games r NV fruitful. once mayb lucky. correct guess.. second third fourth in the future.. can guess all mehx? if guess wrong then how? disappointment? breaking of r/s?? guess not rite?


as for myself solely.. i think i shld accept everyone as they r... they shldnt change for me.. n i can choose not to change for them.. i've gotta pls my parents my sibs my teachers my frends and MYSELF! haha. cant pls them all... but i'll do my best ya. dun expect too much ba cos everyone's diff.. even i m predictable.. i'll try to b a better person... for others. juz like how others can b better ppl too. hurt... ya i've felt e pain.. not only u ^^ dun _stand u.. i'll try but i'm not perfect.. if u dun tell me i wun noe... if i duno.. dun blame me for not _standing. shallow.. ya i m sometimes.. but i do try to open up my angles. dun trust me? i cant change ur mindset de... need a listening ear.. i may not b e best person.. i may sometimes feel burdened.. but i'll try. cos ppl do spare a ear for me too. i cant b there all the time for everyone. but no one can always b there for me either. i seem heck care alot of things. but alot of things i also care abt which i may not say. if i dun tell u things? ask me.. i'll juz tell u. i juz duno wad to tell of myself n wad not to. so i juz choose to shuddup. i take things for granted.. but i'll try to appreciate my friends.. without even one of them.. i wun b who i m now. probs? i got alot.. i may juz not share abt them.. esp e ones closer to my personal self. cos no point. 1) u wun fully _stand.. unless u r in it. 2) its my own prob.. if i can handle it with lesser ppl knowing the better. 3) i'm too ashamed of myself n too low confi to tell anyone. haha =)


life's nv easy.. its juz how u c it n solve it... life's beyond e books beyond e studies.. infact life's a journey, an education for us. its more impt then e memory work.. here memory is nothing, it'll get u no where.. its ur eyes, ur ears n ur brain cells tat'll help u. ur own motivation, ur own observations and ur own deductions. without them, u wun survive in life,, u'll b dead half way, shot down by others who r sharper than u. if u tire urself out with emotional distress, u'll b too tired n kill urself. dun take ppl n tings for granted.. they only come once in life =) n most impt.. ppl let go of things.. n as qy says.. ppl do give up.. even if u dun give up on them.. they give up on u. u wun noe... so dun expect e person u give up on to know too. its sadd but try not to give up. cos no one wans to b a failure in other ppl's eyes. disappointment's e greatest failure. we all got problems.. so we shldnt think tat our lives r worst off then others. its common to think so but then our probs r wad only we ourselves can handle. each have diff views. to others our probs r small.. but for ourselves.. its e greatest. we have diff views.. accept them, overlook them. no one can think exactly like u.. alot of things r not easy to do.. like all those above.. but hey... if u nv try.. u'll nv noe =)


* ps e u(s) r all GENERAL no one in particular de.. this is my own self reflection.. not a shooting session.. so if u feel hit by e words.. i can tell u its nt u = = *