★ Sunday, October 21, 2007
wat's wrong~
4:59 pmlately havent been updating much... but i dun think it matters to anyone anyways~ the original purpose of me blogging seemed to have gone, for all the things that really mattered are no longer with me, nor by my side anymore. or maybe i'm just too blind to see all the things that i have. or i m just too greedy for more than my fair share... life's so unfair~~~
i dont know what's wrong with me lately... my words... the things that goes on in my mind.... are all written down. somewhere, crushed, thrown away. not that i mind, not that it matters.
i dont think you know what's my problem too ya? cos i've no idea myself. i seem to be automatically shutting myself out from my ownself. i the sense that whatever reasoning my mind tells me, i reject them all, before i could even find out the truth. i wonder why is it so... maybe of my upbringing... then again, maybe i just dun want to know. i'm running away from myself, from pain from hurt... so afraif i'd fall down again. you know how that feels like? i just want to drown myself in other things, keep my mind off.
i just want a hug.. i just want some concern... i just want the past, that can no longer return. sadd ya~ u ever felt this way? maybe nt.. u're so much better so much more ahead of me already... and u just keep going forward... i said it once... i'd say it again... we're falling apart, like rivers at the end... i cant control the soil, i cant stop anyting... but just keep moving on too... slowly at my own pace. i dont know wat i want anymore... i lost myself again. just that... this time, i know you wont be there... but it's okay, i told myself to cry no more... and for a long time... it worked fine. what broke this time? i'd just build up my walls all over again. u allmost managed to break them down... months ago.. =) i told myself i'd let them all go. but i felt betrayed... and i rmber now again... so up the walls were built, and i'd hide inside. i hope this time i'd be alone when i die.
今も生きるの意味を探す…
★ キキ様でした ☆
