★ Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Long thoughts
9:30 pmheh~ I realise i haven been doing much reflection lately. so today shall be a short one? *i lie.. it'll be a long one!* so you can not read the bottom crap!
anyways, today felt so sadd nia... my friend, from SiM~ ask me "why you so guai? like everyday go home eat dinner de."
when i hear it.. i was like... ermm~~~ "my mom cook?" then he gave me like a weird looK~ DOES IT MAKE ME DIFFERENT FROM A NORMAL TEEN!?? ok... OR A NORMAL PERSON!? guai ma =( cannot meh... then i feel sadd la~~ hahaha~ cos kinda think about the way i was brought up. For those who have known me for AGES... will prob rmb those days ba.. when i dont even get to stay out after sch, dun get to go out alone... =))) hahaha~ i always rmb my frends ask me go out play, have lunch together, have fun. i always shake head say cannot, mom dun allow. and i'd still rmb how sometimes i cant stand it and lie to my mom about it.. hmm~ ya i get caught and get caned for them. =) such old memories. till now i guess it still hasnt change. the way i was brought up? too afraid to ask my mom if i could go out? haha~ cos i know she dun like it. hmm~
then i was quite sadd la. i think today i quite low mood, cos... ermm kept thinking? i duno la~ then quite not happy ba =) keep listenin to song~ i realise one thing! when you're sadd.. NEVER EVER LISTEN to FOREVER LOVE by X-JaPAN! cos it starts with... Mou... hitori de.... arukenai~~ *i think so* seee so saddd... hahaha~
today kept playing Canon in D on the piano~ although the keys felt so hard and all~ but it felt nicer each time i did the first system~ =) heehee i'm not a pianist, nor know how to play la~ bt i believe i can slowly learn ^^ whee~ i'd perfect page 1 by tml! heehee *like real*
serious stuff... rmb how i say i got words in my mind for a song or poem.. till now then i realise that the words were from me.. as in my inner soul tryin to tell me something which i've been ignoring. =) so sadd~ *gomen ne~ for ignoring* i'd try to get it out later ^^
someone made my eyes wet on the bus today... by saying... that "cause you wish to be normal." hahaha~ this line hit me very deep.
then i ask myself again.. what it feels like to be normal.. m i really not normal? i realise my aim is not to be unique... but just to be myself. if being myself is also a wrong thing... then i guess there's no point in my existance le? the words in my head... 誰のために生きてるの。友達の為に、家族の為に、自分の為に。どちらですか。
so now~ something for myself... you may not understand nor comprehend the words.. cos its my life... =)
十九歳まで、僕の命Where has the pain faded to.. after so long...
Time has flown past... everything's changed.
You kept asking me... where are you? Where did you go?
Calling me... you needed me then...
Tears that welled up behind the eyes
Places no one could see...
Dont let them flow out of me... please.
You promised the terrors were gone
The pain shouldnt be here anymore..
Then why.. do i still feel so sadd
you made me vow and swear, that i'd never leave you
never again.
I dont want to go...
Is it possible to be happy, in this childish world
where everything's like lies, waiting to occur
I kept falling down... but you pulled me right up
You always say... "dont stay there, come, stand tall.."
I was afraid to be alone... in this dark place
no one knew the times i shivered away
but you were here... and made me feel so safe.
You promised the terrors were gone
The pain shouldnt be here anymore..
Then why.. do i still feel so sadd
you made me vow and swear,
that i'd never leave you..never again.
I dont want to go...
will there be light for us one day?
till now i cant see the ending to this tunnel
i called out so many times
but no one answered
where are you... i need you..
answer me please.. dont leave me...
You promised the terrors were gone
The pain shouldnt be here anymore..
Then why.. do i still feel so sadd
you made me vow and swear, that i'd never leave you
never again.
I dont want to go...
i didnt leave you... where are you...
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