キキ様の部屋へよこそ！

Omg..,

2009-11-26T16:29:00.001+08:00

I just love cookie! ^^

Sky

2009-11-25T23:38:00.001+08:00

The other me

2009-11-23T11:05:00.003+08:00

WaHahaHaha... ^^

2009-11-23T11:05:00.001+08:00

Last day of hell!

2009-11-05T10:58:00.001+08:00

Okay technically not last day >.< just last day of exam ^^ whoots i love this scent!

Afternoon

2009-10-31T15:18:00.001+08:00

Today is a brand new day! Good afternoon. >.< one more paper t go! Ah... Haven been updating here. >.< oh well. Laters!

Glasses >.<

2009-10-20T13:38:00.001+08:00

I love my touch. Haha. ^^ now it's video packed. Filled with my beloved shuuchan. Haha!

Merlion

2009-10-15T12:30:00.001+08:00

This isn't much to us who are living here. But someoy this water spitting thing attracts many tourists. Haha!

^^

2009-10-15T12:29:00.001+08:00

On way back to work. Haha. ^^ after half a day off to finally complete my renunciation.

^^

2009-10-09T14:09:00.001+08:00

Lunch was just right! Had it at e cavern. ^^

Cup corn

2009-10-09T14:08:00.001+08:00

Is love!

Haha

2009-10-03T23:27:00.001+08:00

Had to take a pic! Cos this mirror makes me look skinny Haha. ^^ ya see my reflection? ^^

E messy table at work!

2009-10-02T13:25:00.001+08:00

Busy busy day >.< but i like it. Haha!

My blazer!

2009-09-30T19:19:00.001+08:00

^^ hee.finally got my hands on it..... Nice shit i tell you. But very exp. I think e good thing is that i can use it for normal use rather than just cosplay ^^ now have to individual go to e post office to collect things... Can't wait to just get home!

Mua chee!

2009-09-28T13:33:00.001+08:00

I love this! ^^

Happy bday girl ^^

2009-09-26T23:30:00.001+08:00

Ger's bday party. Haha. Was not bad. Theme was nautical. Failed as a pirate but it was fun ^^ had my first small glass of champagne ^^ was not bad. Hee. Super memorable. Thou it's 21st bday supposed to have been like happy and all. E end when it was time to leave somehow it felt sadd and nostalgic. I wonder why >.< Haix. :) but i think everyone else had their fun too! ^^

Next up, Bff nic's cafe party. >.< Omg.... Going to emo there cos i dunno anyone. >.< and i have no idea what to wear yet! Haha. ^^

On train on way home now. Think i ate too much >.< gotta diet tml!　
Ciao ^^ mata ato ne!

At work

2009-09-25T13:28:00.001+08:00

^^

2009-09-25T13:17:00.001+08:00

Today's music boom!

心の言葉

2009-09-24T02:18:00.002+08:00

久々ここで日本語で書いてね～。

本当に、久々だな～

でも、今ちょっと悪い日本語で書いていたい！

最近何とか、何時もいろいろの事頭にフルフルで考えてた～

まぁ～

今まで、何時もも一人でいるね～

寂しくないって言ったら、嘘です。

最近、一人だったら、時々寂しくてなったんだ。

「幸せ」って一体何ですか？

これ、今まで私は全然分からんないよ。

分かるのことは痛みと傷だけみたいですね。

ｗｗｗ

まぁ～いぃか！

人生に諦めないよ！

絶対に頑張れてってだ！

だって、負けることなんか嫌いだぞ！

ファイトー！

うん！

キー

Chocolate!

2009-09-23T16:42:00.001+08:00

E stress reliever....Haha an excuse to eat chocolate!

Bento.

2009-09-23T13:25:00.001+08:00

Didn't realise i was so hungry till i saw e food!

Raining.....

2009-09-18T14:47:00.001+08:00

My schedule's all smacked cos of e rain >.<

long long ago.

2009-09-13T02:13:00.002+08:00

it's been a while since i last blogged here seriously again =D

so tired

lately nothing much happening really hahaha it feels weird to be blogging in eng! no more short jap sentences =P

anyways, this sem's been pretty slack on my side. i havent really touched my books yet and i m starting to feel the tension within myself. think i better start studying!!! yes! i need to! >.<~

so anyways......

what else?

kinda upset right now... its like there's just so much i wanna know more abt... wanna get closer abt.... but cos of distance n barriers... i cant advance. and its so... agitating!

really!!!

maybe i'm juz pms-ing or i lack sleep >.<~ though i've been sleeping for like 9 hrs last night >.<~

think i better go off soon before i turn emo shity~ LOL!

nights~

Ben. And jerry's.

2009-09-12T17:51:00.001+08:00

^^ Haha.

Honey

2009-09-12T02:35:00.001+08:00

Dew! At 2.30 in e morning! Haha. Omg.

Morning

2009-09-11T07:51:00.001+08:00

Today, woke up to e rain! >.< tat's bad right. Can feel myself getting soaked from e stray drops. >.< fashion theme of e day, random random casual formal. Haha!

^^

2009-09-08T22:13:00.001+08:00

Incase i've yet to mention, my fav choc so far! ^^ Damn it. Finished e whole exp box so sadd. I wann eat more! Choc mint!

Hmmm gotta prepare for my shoot on sat i hope i wont screw it up!

Yum yum!

2009-09-08T14:14:00.001+08:00

But fat fat! ^^ soy ice cream. Haha

Lunch desu

2009-09-07T13:16:00.001+08:00

^^ cookie craving satisfied!

^^

2009-09-07T09:15:00.001+08:00

Finally!!

It's raining. >.<

2009-09-06T11:45:00.001+08:00

And i think i'm gonna be late! Haha cos i skidded on e wet ground a while ago and almost landed on my butt! WaHahaHaha

Love

2009-09-05T01:50:00.001+08:00

Is this wad they call love? :$ e feeling of your insides melting, your senses blurring, your heart fluttering... Ah... I'm in love with choco mint. Exp but worth it!

OL

2009-09-02T19:52:00.001+08:00

OL dattara, suki? ^^ black x white me. Haha. I wanna turn moe thou >.<

^^

2009-08-28T23:59:00.001+08:00

I'm studying for financial planning's test on thurs! To be honest i really miss muging. >.< Haha!

Headphones

2009-08-28T18:34:00.001+08:00

E teardrops series edition! ^^ Haha my sis got it. So i'm just testing out the sound. ^^ don't you think e colour is very similar to my nail colour?? ^^

Atsui!

2009-08-22T18:36:00.001+08:00

Hot!! >.< at natsu matsuri now >.< yes! Ice cream! Matette!

whee!

2009-08-19T15:05:00.004+08:00

i must say i made a mistake last night.

but gladly, after 1 whole night and a morning's of worry, it turned out good. lady luck was on my side =)

and i am very happy!! was so upset last night >.<~ finally....

hora~! look!

this this above.... IS GOING TO BE MINE!!! Muahahahahahahaha.

yes~ only Japan sells pink so far. and my sis getting the Red one >.<~ that's like ultra rare de la. can sell for double price now at market >.<~

haiz~ anyways =D we got it cheaply and its authentic! so we're both lucky =)

cant wait for it to arrive next week and i can play my OTOME GAMES! ^-^

the reason y i m not getting a bass now is... i wont be able to afford the fees to learn >.<~ too heavy on me liao~

so... me and my sis both predicted by eoy i surely will be able to play =D

so yes! i m waiting for it! i waited so long... a few more months wont kill so i'd do my best

i cant delay anymore le >.<~

To class

2009-08-16T15:47:00.001+08:00

E emo looking girl on her way to jap class! ^^ yay. v(^-^)v

Like a dream

2009-08-14T19:46:00.001+08:00

^^ company buffet! Haha. Sinful chocolate. ^^

Tribute

2009-08-11T12:27:00.002+08:00

Yes, i've decided to post here again..

but today is for a different reason.

its a tribute to Jasmine You from Versailles. I've been informed that he passed away on August 9th. the info is available on their official site.

although i must say i am not one of versailles fans.. but as a fan of vk. i think... i should still pay the special respects to him... a member of the scene, a member in the legendary band with kamijo, hizaki and teru.

his physical condition had seemingly gone worst... so... yes i bet it was painful for him. but no matter now.

now he can rest and sleep peacefully, and the world he created with his band will never be forgoten.

members from versailles, from left,
Teru (gt)
Jasmine You (ba)
Kamijo (Vo)
Yuki (dr)
Hizaki (gt)

also... versailles is from Sherow Artist Society. That's the same label as Matenrou Opera. Therefore... in some ways it'll affect me! >.<~ oh ya.. another update... Dolly's Label, Fuji Productions has a recent new comer band.... called Chemical Pictures. Tenten's the vox.... or so mira told me (yes i just did my research and realised that it really IS TENTEN LOL~ ex.Kurt vo.) so ya.. wow. Murder Suitcase is definitely picking up new bands =) there's hybrid and smells.. hmMM~ LOOL!! dun really know who r they x= but that's about all the updates for now >.<~

next plans for myself.. my bass!! <3

and then the next few event line ups will be Dec's Matenrou Opera Cosplay as Ayame and Photoshoot with Dolly - Juliet Ver. in sept, photoshoot with dolly - ame furi no eigakan ver. date to be confirmed, photoshoot for Cosplay Collaboration with Mira chan as 176Biz - Aqua ver. date to be confirmed.

That's about all for now! =)

Tryin hard. >.<

2009-08-10T12:51:00.001+08:00

Meeting mira on her bday! Haha trying hard to be oshare. But think i under dressed >.< Haha. Oh well my mom was quite displeased. But who cares.... They've been nagging since forever anyway. >.<

Breaking e diet!

2009-08-08T22:01:00.001+08:00

Haha. ^^ ya vanilla frap with java. But it's a tall size. >.< lesser calos! Haha had ordered tis with 2 mango passion without tazo tea... E lady who did my drink asked if i've worked at starbucks before Haha cos my drinks were cute >.<

rawrrr

2009-08-04T15:56:00.003+08:00

wow... work's a killer these few days! seriously.. (ps. i spelt tat as ersiously ya... i m that stressed!) hahahaha

anyways, cos i'm now working on getting people to attend a dept dinner.. its really really exhausting! cos people come back with complains abt this n that lol! its really farnie. i mean arent they supposed to be matured adults!? hahaha why are they acting like kids??

but its really encouraging when i get responses like "eh sorry i accidentally clicked the date ** of Aug, i cant make it... bt i got too excited and clicked before i realised i cannot go..." haha although its not like as per say "positive" but at least u know there r people still interested and i get happy =) and start laughing cos ya it really is encouraging~ ^-^

on another note... have a meeting later = = going to get screwed upside down inside out FOR SURE! basket *haiz*

what ever la. got sch later anyways. double sianz. bound to fall asleep one D=

can i rant?

2009-07-28T17:17:00.003+08:00

i believe that... if u want people to know more abt you, to understand you, u have to step out of ur shell first and approach others first. i still believe in it now... but yet somehow i find it so hard to do. haha

ever since that time... i think it's been a long time since i really tell anyone abt my personal probs and stress... everyday i still go about trying to smile. i guess its juz me. i know everyone does it too. like hey who the hell can say they are satisfied and happy with their lives so easily?? we are greedy people, always out to want more in our lives. haha

but really... i have lost something inside me recently.. for the past yr or so. i mean if u ask of cos i'd say it =D but sometimes on my own... even if i stand in front of you, u look at me... i want to open my mouth and blurt the words out, they r at the tip of my tongue the words formed in my mind, all ready to splurt out.. but yet.. juz one second before... i change the topic... say something else instead and u look at me... with a questioning look on ur face. "what is it? you wanna say something?" and i'd juz shake my head... no.. it's nothing.. nothing at all. my petty problems cant concern u... i have to live them on my own.

and i too still believe in this now. its so painful sometimes when i try to share i get turned away... it could be that i have approached the wrong person.. but their reaction to my words r so human... so predictable... its like... if u study people long enuff u'd know its how they will react.. all negative hahaha! i wonder y. so now i try on my own to break free from being human.. or at least detach myself from negative feelings. becos inside.. i know.. i understand where u r getting at.. what u r expecting from me.. what u want to hear, what u want me to say, what u hope that i will do... and sometimes i deliberately do not wanna satisfy that selfish heart of urs... but sometimes if i feel kind i'd do it and make u happy =)

hahahaha yes~ i m tis evil...

i realise to detach myself i juz have to keep reminding myself.. i m also a human~ n i feel this way too and i make these kinda mistakes too.. or i juz tell myself.. it's typical and i soon realise it's so much easier to accept it and not get angry nor irritated at people. cos we r all the same. makes my life so much easier. sadly no one can do this for me yet D=

i m not complaining much i guess~ there's still somethings that i dun understand.. things i dun show. things that people arent that bothered abt. esp not me.. cos i m that insignificant to them. even though i try my best to be by their side.. i get noen when i try to approach people but others have frends flocking to their side when they r in danger.

is this karma? or is this juz a sign?

i duno anymore... i m starting to lose this spark thing again. the work the people the play everything is getting onto me lately... i have no idea what i am doing what i wanna do. i m so afraid to turn into this zombie.. n i get so disappointed when people turn away from me juz cos of who i m and how i look and wad i wear and wad i like... why do i have to hide behind and not show myself to others...

i think its juz natural for me to smile when i see my frends. i dun wan them to worri... i dun wanna let my personal problems drag down my day. but sometimes... being too positive has its setbacks too... i get drained so easily when the stuffs pull me down further n i cant escape.

my only punching bag is also no longer by my side.. hahaha! so now... music... my best frend, my best companion.. hangry... always smiling at me when i feel like i'm abt to cry... abt to lose hope.. he's always there to hear my inner thoughts, and stare at me all patiently, not uttering a word, not being fake... juz comforting me when his small hug and small caresses.

is this what they call a best friend? i wonder =D i think hangry deserves new clothes! sadly.. i cant afford them right now D= *sigh*

this is an awfully long post. i shld stop here. i feel all better now, after talking to myself =D hahaha!

tat's all~~~ *yawns*

Pic spam!

2009-07-25T22:02:00.001+08:00

Haha i think this looks super feminine >.<

E real takoyaki!

2009-07-25T18:39:00.001+08:00

^^ exp. Haha. But big and good.....^^

In school

2009-07-25T15:02:00.001+08:00

Yes i'm in school already and way early! E classroom isn't even opened yet! >.< Haha anyways look at wad i'm staring at now. ^^ nice right?

E true alter ego!

2009-07-25T14:20:00.001+08:00

Konnichiwa! Kiki no anomie is on her way to school! ^^

Mienai no atama

2009-07-24T19:38:00.001+08:00

^^ Haha. E headless Me. ^^ hmmm.... On my way back from novena now. Yes i've gotta put in more effort to lose weight at a faster rate! Or ayame will die. >.< Haha ganbattemasu!

摩天楼オペラ！＜３

2009-07-21T14:25:00.001+08:00

i think i've mentioned before, lately i've been into Matenrou Opera =)

so i did some research and kinda digged them up. hahaha watched their vids etc.

and i realsie that the more i know and find out about them the more i end up liking them... cos. they r like so normal =) so normal u n me!

contrary to what people perceive visualkeism as, or goth blah blah blah shit~ vk bands imo are nothing like wad people describe. not that i am being biased. but when u look at SOME, note is some and not all! LOL~ i've seen shity ones =x but ya.. matenrou opera isnt part of the horrible group =)

so ya~ they r juz like u n me trying to live on earth surviving and be happy! they are doing their JOB~!!! =D to them this is pretty much their job hahaha if u read their interviews u'd understand. their r/s with each other is very "colleague" based... everything is done so professionally... <3

it makes the whole thing so much more interesting than those "play around groups" which ya turns me off really lOL! of cos i wont list them out cos... each to their own. i dun wanna get spammed for saying things that's IMO =D

so yes.. i am now confessing that i am loving them more and more. lOL! as with my other obsessions i duno how long this will last =P~ but so far... though there are so many diff bands, vk has been part of my life, a HUGE part of my life in fact for a very long time ^_^ so i m taking it as this is not an obsession on my part, unlike the past where i'd switch between eng and chi songs =x hahaha so now i've been pretty faithful! ^-^ so~~~~ XD

i'm feeling pretty high over their songs now =D *sigh* so blissfuL! ^-^

so..... yes KIT!

i really miss writing >.<~

2009-07-20T12:20:00.000+08:00

Wow... another piece of lyrics done up within less than 1 hr! =D hahaha i think i must really be inspired by Matenrou Opera! =P hearing their songs now u see. ^-^ cool ya~ hahahaha

i think i like this better than the first... hmmM~~ either way~ ENJOY!

Mad Man's Calamity

This evolution, in the era of revelations
i want to scream, i want to scream
let me shout till my lungs' content
i cannot hold back, i dont want to hold back
The world's spinning, the world's coming to an end

i can dream, i can live
hear my pain, hear my hate
something no one but i myself can understand
the time will stop, the hands will freeze
such is the power of the world's mad man calamity

Just what exactly are you searching for...?
though now are the dark times
even though tomorrow we may all die
what happens now is for only me to decide
i choose how the hell i want to live my life!

i can dream, i can live
hear my pain, hear my hate
something no one but i myself can understand
the time will stop, the hands will freeze
such is the power of the world's mad man calamity

the will of the word, the power to dream
the mayhem of hope and the death that comes with peace
how much will you sacrifice, how much can you give
how long more are you going to wait before you turn yourself into another zombie?
the living dead in this decaying green

i can dream, i can live
hear my pain, hear my hate
something no one but i myself can understand
the time will stop, the hands will freeze
such is the power of the world's mad man calamity

for how long more are you going to wait
dont run away... just set yourself free...

After a long while... =)

2009-07-20T12:19:00.000+08:00

Society Effect

What is this feeling of isolation
i want to feel the ground give way beneath my feet
sometimes i wonder if i am even alive
am i... still breathing?

the atmosphere sway with the moood of the swing
the pain in the current sweeps harshly against the cliffs
why am i here?
what am i suffering for?

gnawing at the flesh, the rotting skin
i slowly began to grow numb to this insanity
and i started to live in a world where only "I" exist
a place where nothing else matters

i live on.. i breathe on...
to fulfill my deepest desires, the dream which i live for
it matters no more what happens from now on
my mind has been made up, my heart is set on its path
it matters not even if no one understands
even no one stands on my side
until i reach my goal... i'd never give up

and at the end i'd stand proudly... and smile
i had lived my life with no regrets...

hai-nyan!

2009-07-20T11:17:00.002+08:00

i haven been posting much lately D=

i guess it's mainly cos i haven been in the mood! >.<~

anyways, Juliet Cosplay was a blast! hahaha

ya... =)

had my share of fun

now i'm determined to lose weight in order to prepare myself for EOY09! Ayame from Matenrou Opera - Alkanoid Showcase PV ver.!!! <3 i'd be in shorts n sleeveless >.< oMG right lOL! if i dun lose weight i think i can juz go and kill myself! =P

i'd try my best to upload pics etc.. but lately really lazy to do so! Lol

sch's started and i m trying my best to pay attention and not fall asleep in class! it sucks i tell u! >.< 2 months of hols certainly has been too long for me =P

anyways, time for a brand new start!

matenrou opera - Hiai to Melancholy! <3 actually i think Dolce is the best =P

will update again soooon~~~

bye-nyan!

Whee

2009-07-06T02:54:00.001+08:00

No! I wasn't bored when i did this >.< was planning on it long aim. Haha. Just couldn't find e correct one. ^^ anyway now my phone and my touch is lovely kira kira pink desu! ^^ whee. So happy... Haha. Die. I'm just this sort of a bitch >.<

thoughts again~~~~~~~~~

2009-07-04T01:44:00.002+08:00

if someone ask you...

"is your life meaningful now?"

i wonder... what would your reply be...

if... someone younger than you highly holds up their head proudly... giving u tat almighty haughty look.. making u feel small, inferior and childish...

what would you think?

i.... want to prove them wrong... show them that i m more matured than them in so many ways...

i wanna kick these people out of my life.. although they left so many marks on me... scars and kisses alike...

i want to... not let them affect the me... now

living in this life that again turned meaningless...

although.. i have so many things i wanna accomplish...

so many things i still have yet to do...

but... still... so what? it is still meaningless... all just to prove the people wrong...

its still meaningless.. why is it so...

i think too much right? life can nv be meaningful~ lol

its a wistful dream..... =)

Omg!

2009-06-30T00:43:00.001+08:00

I dunno if you can see this or not. >.< but something good happened! Ko-ki peta-ed me thou i didn't peta him at all! Super happy. >.< like really lately i haven't been giving much petas.. And below ^^ vivi from dragonwrapper peta-ed me too! I m mega happies!

Surprise surprise

2009-06-29T16:02:00.001+08:00

Yes. Haha i dun doubt it's authencity of these products. Haha they are after all gifts to replace my current wallet... I happen to love my putumayo wallet okay! >.< but oh well. This is love too. Haha. ^^ update more later... Work now. Hee... Jaa!

Angsty

2009-06-20T00:20:00.002+08:00

i wonder if blogging here would help or not... well maybe it'll help me cool my nerves.. but it wont help me convey msges to the people i wan read this post.

anyways i think it's juz cos its JUNE, a horrible month for me.. that plus PMS... i guess it's harder for me to control my feelings... cos it's all exploding n all.. things i dun feel most of the time or if i can hide them... i wont show nor let them out run me. but today... i guess i'd explode a little.

got pissed over small fry stuff... yes.. lately.. it hit me over n over that all these frends of mine getting attached... and attached.... ya... its not that i envy them n wanna get a freaking r/s or anything close.. like hell la.. the last thing i wan is rush things n end up hating love all over again lOL not tat i like it now.

anyways... the point is... i realise that... i've made sacrifices.. doing things i dun like for these people... cos... to me they r my frends.. n i .. treasure them. they're basically the only people i have next to my family. and thus, they r always second place...

but u know wad... i'm prob a fly position to them.. yes.. cos they have a whole long list of people more impt than i m~ so.. no matter wad i do.. they're taking it for granted that i'd give way... and ya... make everything go smoothly.. but hey.. u know wht?? right now i'm tired..... too many things... i let myself think too much into. its my fault for not controlling it.. and not it's abt to burst and i'm getting upset.. the best bit.. i wonder where did all these "frends" went to? hmm~?? still mumbling over their own problems and here i m.. blogging here cos i'm so... soo... soo.......... afraid to tell them my "petty" issues.. issues that i dun give a thought to.. till today it decided to BURST!

ya... i m not angry.. juz pissed... i can feel the blood rushing to my head.. it makes me giddy... and i feel my fists clench up.

its bad.. like i can punch someone =x

but no.. i m not angry yet.. i m juz pissed and irritated.. =)

now the last bit... no one will be reading this i guess =))) so i get to keep this secret to myself and maybe tml.. when i wake up.. it'll all be forgotten and i'd go on being "miss goody goody girl" and bare all the "intolerance" inside and scream at myself.. get myself into trouble with my mom, with other people, cos i put these "frends" ahead of many things i shldnt... =) i'd regret it.. but i cant help it. i cant change my thoughts.. maybe it's abt time i really sit down n adjust... lol

are these people...

do they think they are really that worth my time??

hur~ pls think again if ur ans had been a yes...

Friday again

2009-06-13T04:35:00.002+08:00

today mom spoke with me... and guess wad i got frustrated.. i duno wat went over me! for that short 1 min i broke down, with streaming tears. we talked about a few things.. the best bit was normally those things i didnt feel affect me. eg, my cosplay stuffs and the recent results thing... but when she said it somehow the tears juz flow.

and guess wad.. she called me a cry baby! well moe like saying... i cry easily.. >.<~ but most of the time i hold good control over my feelings.

but ya when my frends etc mention the topics i dun feel anything.. >.<~ but when she spoke with me over dinner alone... =x duno wad hit me lol~

yes... me who doesnt cry and kicks myself most of the time... broke into tears over tear today for 1min due to god knows what reasons! >.<~

anyways =) alot of things to prepare for later... gotta meet up with hana-chan~ *sigh* hope it'll be good... >.<~ nv really put the outfit together before. was more of like my own mix n match LOL! i dun like to wear same things to events~ =x like exact same matching la =) heehee.

that's all for now.. hate the weather!!!!!!!!!!! gonna kill someone! >.<~

lastly.. took monday off... lol for wad reason? i duno. just felt like it hahaha!

and kiki's BROKE!!!!!!!~ D= return me $$ pls pls pls pls pls?? >.<~

I realise i haven been posting pics here~ >.<

2009-05-29T02:11:00.002+08:00

most of the time when i blog here, i think they tend to be longer n draggier. x= lol it's like explosion channel.

btw, i've been thinking a little more recently... a small self reflection thing i guess. haven had it for quite a while. so what did i find out about myself today? i gues... that maybe.. i dont wan people to "know and understand" me after all~ >.< yups... loL~ there are a few reasons and evidence i dug up. so... it's quite substantial. most prob cos i'm afraid for people to find out about the TRUE me. about who i am and all =D loL~!! i duno.. most prob i think that's the case... and experiences prove that this is the correct way to work =D

so ya.... >.< i duno, trying to prove myself otherwise.

*sigh*

i duno... i think i m too tired. suddenly forgot wad i wanna type! omg? yes.. omg... lol

oo ya~ can u believe it.. i know i couldnt >.< but i pre-ordered the first 2 singles for ViViD! >.< oMG LA! cos saw 3000 copies only and they had a dateline to preorder = = yes.. so i preordered it =x stupid right? LOL! dun ask me why... >.< i just did. now i hope it'll be good. another reason is also cos i promised Ko-Ki and IV that i'd buy their first release!!! >.< opps? XD

wahahahaha it;s okay la. 2nd single has a DVD, so i'd get to see them in action! *hops around*

bad news is that.. my so darlingly beloved Dolly's on temp stop of activities >.< i'm extremely saddened. just when i was watching one of their old vids, which made me smile, when Mira told me the news... i felt my eyes wet. ya.. i know... u'd tink i'm crazy to go emo over a BAND, but hey, for people like ME who aint much attached to anything else... MUSIC happens to be MY life! and these bands kinda like saved me from who i was last time. so i really appreciate them though they dont even know it =)

yups~ forever will be grateful!

anyways... i intend to send them some letters soon >.<~ shld start shopping for gifts too~ *sigh*

i better turn in before i KO in front of com~

going to watch Shity's performance later tonight =D quite excited. hope it's going to be NICE! *nodds*

お休み！甘い夢を見るね！

prayers?

2009-05-23T00:28:00.002+08:00

so i decided to blog here today! =)

before i hit the serious stuffs.... watched Angels and Demons with Sh!ty today >.< and had our instant noodles outing lOL! damn cute... =))) alot of bickering as usual. and the movie was good. once again, it all ended too soon.... sorry u had to break ur curfew girl >.< we'd meet up again soon!!!

now the serious part.

lately i feel that my patience had been pretty much on the low. lol! i get like irritated easily and like juz snap at people who get on my nerves. i guess everything has a limit. after a while when u control ur emotions for so long, they tend to overflow... or just burst. >.<

so ya.... alot of things people do... and say... i can already predict and say... and explain. lol so... fake? I duno if fake is the right word. but it's kinda like ermmm how should i put it... like... purposely doing it for u to notice so that they get ur attention/concern etc. i mean i konw everyone wans this kinda attention but.... >.< maybe i m just jealouse that they get it la... i give them wad they want. lol but when it comes to me who needs tat extra ear.. i seriously wonder where they all go... hmmm... =) i think i'm more of the boy side than the girl's. when i want someone to listen, the person doesnt have to say much ba... just listen n nodd and nodd again. but... so far people who i talk to... either diverts the convo back to themselves.. cos wad i was saying abt MYSELF was probably boring them to bits... or... ya~ u know... they just aint cut out to listen. lol they talk more than they listen in fact. weird huh >.<

i think most prob i found the wrong person to hear me out ba... lol havent found that exclusive ear for me yet. to all my frieds out there reading this n feels hurt that u're probably part of the cant listen to me portion (not all friends mind u.. but if u feel pissed/guilty... then maybe i m talking abt u lOL), sorry~ LOL! u have no idea how mad i get when i really want to say something but u keep cutting my sentences... i give up all the time so i wont try to talk to u abt myself anymore. lol~ not tat i think it'll matter to u la... cos u prob hadnt been interested to know more abt me anyways.

i admit.. most of the time when i talk serious... i talk boring. in the sense i talk abt things that arent so superficial.. arent so... bitchy? lol i duno~ i always talk abt more solemn things. things that most people prob aint interested in talking about or dun bother thinking abt. so i guess thats why they dun bother listening. but i feel insulted tat they cut me off mid sentence.. esp when i was prob feeling super low and thought i could like.... "share" some of my "burdens" which most of the time happens to be conflicting thoughts in me etc, with you... but ya, i wasnt THAT significant to make u wanna understand me. so who cares... u'd turn insignificant to me too =)

ya... anyways... getting tired ^-^

live life to the fullest.. wad a joke~ _|_

after a while...

2009-05-04T13:25:00.002+08:00

i feel stupid now...

somehow or other i managed to make myself upset by thinking of something i shouldnt have. haha

yes... thanks for hurting me you bast~ i m childish = =

wth... let me rant for a while... >.< somehow i hate it or maybe not hate... it just irks me to have someone call me childish~ selfish... ya i agree. childish?

maybe i am... but i'd have to see who e hell is the person saying it =D in tis case the person saying it... i felt... didnt have the right to judge me.

but the thing that got on me most? the words stung... the tone and all combined together. especially cause what i initially said somehow meant a great deal to me personally. sadly this person didnt agree, and stepped at me and called me childish. yes... we never know how much some mere words can hurt others when we just blurt them out. it still hurts somehow D= but it's okay.. i feel myself living again... heehee. recently now that exams' over i got 1 month to relax and enjoy some stuffs better.

will be heading to melacca on fri!!! with sis and uni friends yay! ^-^

first trip out of country w/o parents x= ya i know... but hey! the thing is just swine flu.. think my firm needs me to quarantine myself = = damn for 2 effing days = = wth... n i need to wear mask! i'd better start digging for cute cute looking ones first. ^-^

work's pretty busy today. first half at least... didnt feel like workin after 2 weeks of half days! but oh well =)

what else... i really hope the cosplay thing works out D= sucks... better prepare for cosfest's one now!!! >.< i refuse to be in panic mode anymore!!! muahahaha.

ya la... time to end here... quite long dont u think? =D

Because it is today

2009-04-24T17:58:00.001+08:00

The weather's so freaking hot that it's putting me in a really bad mood....

Shan't elaborate...

That time of the month

2009-04-21T14:29:00.002+08:00

Lately what. Can I say man have been pretty much in a pissy mood. I can't seem to help it and with exam stress dun expect me to b all smiley when u see me.

Tired and lack of sleep I can't wait for exams to b over somehow I was just wishing for some people to put in more effort and b more considerate.

U may have ur own reason to do something but at least try la I'm already reaching irritation limit... DAmn.

Maybe I just need better sleep....

Dinner

2009-04-19T20:58:00.001+08:00

AGAIN!

2009-04-17T13:33:00.001+08:00

omg! i saw the jacket again!!!

this is DAMN DAMN DAMN torturing la! like what the hell~ but she looks good in it~ nice for me to admire. sad she's a she LOL!!!!! ^^

Trying to find a suitable title...

2009-04-16T23:36:00.003+08:00

i havent blogged in AGES!!! >.<

at least not in this blog =D heehee~

to be honest, i really really really like my current blog skin! >.< very oshare-ish~ LOL!

but~~ ya.... hard to blog in both places i mean i have things i wanna say, things happen everyday after all, but i just duno how to say them anymore!

anyways, was screening thru some pics and realise that~~ I REALLY WANT TO BUY A JACKET!!!!!!!

what sort??? XD *look below!*

i super like her jacket la!!! yes i'm having a HUGE HUGE HUGE Fan-girling thing over HiKo! *again* omG la~ she's so farnie in her blogs lOL! hard to believe she keeps her boyish image =P

^^

2009-04-08T00:30:00.001+08:00

Yosh! I finally got my hands on it! ^^

Empty

2009-04-03T23:15:00.001+08:00

Empty train station on way home. ^^

My dream

2009-04-01T22:59:00.001+08:00

It came today!! ^^ finally. I managed to get something for myself before i hit 21. Hee. ^^

ps. I vowed to be happy.

Studyin

2009-03-30T18:44:00.001+08:00

Exams are drawing near. I gotta put in my best ne! ^^ w...

Today's dinner

2009-03-28T18:56:00.001+08:00

Somehow today's dinner's going to be special. ^^ hope it's good. But somehow not really hungry. E diet thing is kicking in. ^^ oh ya, e whole day been thinking of one incident. ^^ -happy- getting my touch next week too!

Phew...

2009-03-28T12:44:00.001+08:00

I forsee something coming true! Yay! Just a few more days. ^^ and i bought 4 tees from threadless for less than 40! Haha. Ummi was trying to get us all to buy. ^^ but really good deal. We girls are crazy!

Arab street

2009-03-27T11:48:00.001+08:00

Tat's e mosque at arab street. It's working hours now but on errand with a colleague. ^^ so interesting. Like some educational tour!

Meiji

2009-03-26T20:57:00.001+08:00

My dinner. Haha. Lecture.... Last of e week. ^^ everyone seems shagged.....

Working hard!

2009-03-25T18:57:00.001+08:00

Yes. ^^ project to accomplish! I can do it!

Nao

2009-03-24T13:49:00.001+08:00

My other attempt at naO. Looks failed. Haha.

Dinner

2009-03-22T19:53:00.001+08:00

At a restaurant for my sis bday celebration. ^^

Spotted!

2009-03-20T22:15:00.001+08:00

Haha.....i'm doing this illegally! Please do not do this if you see me like tat! Thank you.

Dinner

2009-03-20T20:07:00.001+08:00

Woots....fattening....:)

Just felt like it

2009-03-20T13:38:00.000+08:00

All over again

under the night sky, i saw the stars
holding onto the never to be dreams of mine
sometimes i keep asking myself
in this world, am i really alive?

dark clouds that turned to cold rain
mending the cracks on the ground that no longer bled
i really want to know
if i were to stretch out my hand... what will it be able to reach?

on this soon to end journey
i never thought that i needed anyone else
till the day you left me
and everything shattered.. like how it once had

i dont understand why... though i was the one who got hurt
at my end... all i really felt was pent up regret
to know that i was never good enough.. to fail another expectation
how miserable it is.. to be a human.

now i no longer wish to turn back the time
for i know that... no matter how hard we tried
nothing would have changed
because at the end of the day.. you only left things to fate

on this soon to end journey
i never thought that i needed anyone else
till the day you left me
and everything shattered.. like how it once had

but now i'm no longer weak
if once it had hurt, i have already forgotten
but i know no matter what
i'd never, ever let myself fall again.

emo is me

2009-03-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

i have no idea why! but i m utterly depressed~ i think it's over the mag issue! i duno~ my heart really shattered~ >.< cos somehow i guess i know i wont be able to get the previous issue... Dolly~ *sigh*

the wrong one came and i had been so looking forward to it. not only that it wasnt exactly cheap! if i were on better financial terms i wont have mind paying for another one, the correct set, but as u can see... lately i'm not really financially stable and i have like alot of other payment loads.

sometimes juz cos i dun say out my problems doesnt mean i have none! n to think that i've been spendin so little on food already~ *sigh*

to people who r reading this, u guys may think that i m a petty girl. for having to complain over such a small issue. or maybe... i shld say petty over getting depressed about such a minor issue.

but to me.. who hasnt been having the best week of her life... and had been facing some problems internally... getting the final crush here is like an equation that states to me... u r doomed and doomed! ya that's e impression i get.

the last straw to cheer me up has just disappeared...

Diet desu.

2009-03-16T13:04:00.001+08:00

I feel revived! Dieting ^^ today's lunch menu happens to be just bread. Hee. Yay. I will persevere!

出来るの事

2009-03-16T01:24:00.002+08:00

全てを放したい。

自分だけの意味を生きたい。

自分だけの夢を叶われたい～

誰にもう聴かないですから。

好きの事、出来たいの事、自分自身を信じれていますから、もう始まりよ～この物語は止めないだぜ～

だから、貴方も、僕の事が放して下さい。

ここまでですね～

痛い物を忘れたい～　また自分で生きる。

これ、今回絶対に出来ます～

心もう決めたんだから。

記憶、さよなら～

Riverside.

2009-03-15T21:45:00.001+08:00

At e riverside.... Going for ice cream! Fattening.-sigh-

Cheered.

2009-03-14T00:57:00.001+08:00

Ah, look wad finally reached me. Super quality vid to entertain me. :) more like to cheer me up. They're still e best as of now. Dolly... Another dream.....

Dinner.

2009-03-13T18:48:00.001+08:00

As e title states, this is all i'm having for dinner.

Diet.

2009-03-12T12:59:00.001+08:00

This is my lunch! Haha. Ya some client gave. Supposed to be for breakfast but wasn't hungry.... So ya. ^^ hee.

Untitled

2009-03-12T02:16:00.002+08:00

i really hate myself when i feel this way... and i realise i got nothing at all that i truly want to say. sucks...

and by the time i next turn, i realise the tears are on the way.

then... i hold back and tell myself... this is not something worth crying for.

and it stops there. the same thing everytime as i convinced myself...

tired.

point 101

2009-03-12T01:46:00.002+08:00

i think lately exhaustion is getting onto me. the days this week seemed to have started out pretty not on the good side. i've got another test next week. this week's so packed i calculated minimal study time. and... though i can say that so far i havent encountered much prob with the preparations, bt... i dont wanna be too confident about it. i still freak out~

anyways.. to be honest i've been getting good dreams. they say ur dreams are the doors to ur soul. something that u want inside/desire~~ lol i duno~ maybe it's true~ ^^ but at the end of the day we all know they're just called "dream" for a reason.

wont say wad it is... but i'd wish upon a star~ =)

my eyes are drooping down already... trying to stay focused.

oh ya... another thing. something's been bothering me again.. *sighs* i wanna kick myself! grRr~

anyways back to me... kanji test!!! >.< *dies* tests n more tests! wad e hell~ i wanna take a break!!!!

impossible i know. but oh well. hope nothing major screws up~ if not i think i'd just lose it~ yup~

moodless.

Hungry.

2009-03-11T13:33:00.001+08:00

It's fish soup of e week again. ^^ cos i was hungry! Later got study for test. Oh ya. Singpost really sucks!

E stressed us.

2009-03-09T14:50:00.001+08:00

^^ yes in school studying now. This is how we all look like! It's all going to be over soon!

I really don't like rain now.

2009-03-09T12:49:00.001+08:00

It's raining again! I'm gonna be late on way to school. >.< -sigh- i mean going earlier to do some last min patch ups on e revision. Hope nothing important will be forgotten!

keep out.

2009-03-09T01:30:00.002+08:00

sheesh. i blogged all my internal thoughts in the other blog unintentionally. in eng of course. typing that long essay out in jap would have killed me.

but mainly i know... ever since that February~ that many years ago.. i had lost already~ lost...

and now i wonder where my will went... going to search for it again.

i wish to be happy and to smile from my heart, to know no worries to live life to the fullest. i just wish to be satisfied with what i have.. i dont want this darkness to suck me in anymore. if you're part of that darkness then i will force myself to part with u. u've been holding onto my heart for too long. it's about time i move on.

about time to let light shine on me so my insides wont feel so heavy. i will hold on... to what once was, but never will be. i will hold on to everything, as memories, as images that will flash past that wont affect me, that wont hurt me. i will smile and joke and say words of joy. because i have found myself once again... to be someone i will be satisfied with..

my life.. dont meddle into it when u dont mean anything. i will survive.. like i always have.

because.. i'd always be me.

Ended.

2009-03-08T19:20:00.001+08:00

Had my jap class cancelled today >.<so ya. Studied all e way and is on way home for dinner now. Hungry!

The station.

2009-03-08T12:42:00.001+08:00

^^ at e train station now on way to study. -sigh- over slept again. And not so much of a good start for e day. >.<

me me me me and MORE ME!

2009-03-08T01:49:00.002+08:00

there's a 50% test on monday! and i tink i'm screwed!!!! >.< i duno~ i dont feel prepared. just going to go and give all i've got! Yea~

oh ya, my iTouch seems probable~ i told my mom, she was like it's up to u~ >.< i duno. about the loan bit~ ya........... nvm mom said something i dont wanna talk abt~

i hope i'd still get to hold MY OWN bass this year... my second great dream~

i know i'd be turning 21 SOON~ people dont seem to be able to stop reminding me.. it's not that age matters to me.. but ya... they make me sound old. to me age is dependent on responsibilities and not by the figure you write in application forms!

and ya~ i've been asked by various people what i want for my bday~ cos yes i dont have a wishlist for this yr~ mainly cos... most of the things i want are way out of budget lol~ and they're mainly personal things... another reason is cos i dont really expect much from anyone ya~ so it's okay =)

my one month LATE cure and DVD is arriving soon!!! collect dolly's stuffs (Single + PV collection) on monday~! wheet~ cant wait. <3

somehow yes.. something's missing. while listening to RES today i got inspired to write some eng lyrics! but it's all left me already so i'd try again~ >.< soon~ LOL~

okay... i think i'm getting pushy over some people. sorry about that.

sometimes i feel restrained over things i want to do/get. cos some other people feel that i have compromised them with my desires~ and all i can say is... it's all up to u~ till now my motto in life is mainly to LIVE HOW I WANT TO! that means being selfish when i think i shld~ i m *i admit* a NON-SELFLESS person. i think this is the one thing that makes me harsh~ >.< too bad if u cant accept it. =x

Fashion theme.

2009-03-07T18:21:00.001+08:00

And so today decided to go for a more girlish theme as compared to my usual boy,ish punk. >.< Haha. Even my mom asked me to act my age! But i'm young wad. ^^ hee. Ya even my make up was inspired from seventeen. I believe even ugly people can look good if they bothered with make up and dared to try new dress styles. ^^

off the record...

2009-03-07T02:31:00.002+08:00

L4D was a good stress buster for me~ >.<

no matter what gotta get up later to go out for studying again~

oh ya guess wad.. i missed mr postman = =~ okay i wasnt home la, mr postman was missed and i gotta collect my stuffs on mon~ *sigh*

what's the depressing catch. i may not be able to get my iTouch and wont be able to fulfill tat part of the I WANNA DO SOMETHING BEFORE I HIT 21 thing~ reason? sch fees *dies* but it isnt confirmed how i'd sort it out, so i might juz be able to get it after all. but at the same time i've gotta really control myself and compromise on alot of things. 1 for eg, my diet. LOL! really need to save up on tat. cant eat too extravagent anymore. no more exp exp starbucks etc. cos transport already add up to 90 per month. then i got bills, and then give sis and mom moolah, then savings for trip, then personal savings~ yups. >.< then cosplay stuffs need get, also the Melacca trip~ must save for that too. >.<

*sigh*

money sucks LOL! or personal desires suck~ =)

shall stop here for now. if i go on somemore i may turn this post into something =x you wont wanna read lOL~

nights~

To become!

2009-03-07T02:25:00.001+08:00

Yes... Reading mags now. >.< in a hope to became more cute. Yes puke all you wan. Haha. ^^ my ultimate goal of e year, to turn girlish!